The Last Jedi


I tried to be above Star Wars for a little while, not recently, but a while ago, probably whenever Hans Christian Andersen or whatever his name is was simultaneously screwing Natalie Portman and Star Wars fans across the galaxy.

My beef started with George Lucas remastering and threemastering and facelifting every episode in the collection until they looked like something out of The Real Housewives of Mos Eisley. Star Wars was before my time — duh A long time ago — but I understood it to be pure and true and not something to be trifled with — kind of like the Force (see Anakin Skywalker, cautionary tale).

I remember watching Episodes IV, V, and VI when Lucas re-released (re-re-released?) them in the late 90s. We wanted them to feel special for us like they felt for our fathers before us. And they did. Until of course that little brat kid just whined all the way through Phantom Menace a couple years later. Hate on Jar-Jar Binks all you want, but that kid was a real turd. And teen angsty Anakin was no better, though each of the new three additions got better as they went. Then I think I got ultimately bummed out when George Lucas sold his baby to Disney. I can’t give you a good reason why I am anti-Disney. It’s just something I feel within, like midichlorians or something.

Episode VII came out, and it was definitely disappointing if you went into it hoping for something other than Episodes IV, V, and VI cut up and pasted back together, but still I watched, and I felt like a good father when I sat and watched it with my boys.

And then — holy sh*t — Rogue One was so beautiful. If I was straying, that movie brought me back, and I am on board with whatever comes next. I remember the preview for VII giving me chills. And I really had no idea the VIII teaser was dropping today until I saw something on Twitter and then my spine went numb. I watched it for the first time, and this was literally me.

And after watching the teaser a couple of times with my kids huddling around me, I decided I would hate to live in a world void of children smacking each other with plastic light sabers. So I hope this isn’t really the end of the Jedi — or Jedis — but hope, as some have suggested, that it means the end of the Jedi as currently constituted. I’d be cool with super Jedis or Jedi — which one is it, damn it?


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